WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
