I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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