i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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