its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
