he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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