just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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