I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
