I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
