Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
