I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
