You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
