My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
