covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
