just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
