Swine flu. Run for my life!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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