I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize