I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
