Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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