my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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