I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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