What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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