1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
