so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
