so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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