If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
