I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
