All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
