Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
