I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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