I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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