when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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