my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
