My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was like eating out sand paper
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
