I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize