I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
