ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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