i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
