My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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