You're my little dorito
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
