So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
