I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
