Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
