I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
