i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
