remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
