I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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