So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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