I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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