drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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