And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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