got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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