Got a toothbrush?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
