I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
