Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
