All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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