Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
