If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This baby is an asshole
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
