Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
