Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
