the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
