I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
