I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
