Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
