Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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