I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
