i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
