so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize