guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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