I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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