Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
