dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
