we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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