Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my shit smells like andre
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You pole danced in your parka.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
